What Does Through It All He Continued to Scream Insults at Me and Threaten to Kill or Hurt Me Mean
Abuse disguised as a joke happens when abusers make comments about you that they want other people to believe are funny, but you know they arethreats and put-downs in disguise. They're sick personal jokes between the two of you. Only you know the real story behind his "humor" sofriends may wonder why you cry or become so upset when he teases and jokes.
If you say something about the abuse disguised as a joke in front of other people, your abuser will likely either give you a hug and say he didn't mean it or look at you like you're crazy (discounting your reaction). After all, abusersneedto make sure other people believe you are overly emotional so their stories and lies about you will stick.
Another way abusers use abuse disguised as a joke is to say ordo things you do not like at all, then laugh about it as if it were funny. For example, I don't like racist or sexist jokes, but my abuser consistently tells them to me, then berates me for not "admitting" they are funny.
Abusers tend to use sarcastic humor and make fun of other people – but they rarely if ever poke fun at themselves.
How to React to Verbal Abuse Disguised as a Joke
Things you can say when your abuser uses verbal abuse disguised as a joke or lashes out "in jest":
- "I don't think that's funny. It feels like an insult."
- "You know, just the other day you told me very seriously that you would (do that same thing). Now you're acting like it is a joke, but I don't think it is."
- "Now that you've made yourself feel more important, I'm going to go watch some television."
- "I don't like being the butt of your jokes. Please stop it."
After you say these things, walk away. If you can't think of anything to say, then just walk away.Do not engage him, do not respond to further remarks unless it's to say, "I will talk to you about it later." Go do something enjoyable.
Thingsnotto say or do:
- Do not pretend you think the joke is funny.
- Do not try to explain your sense of humor, and don't insult his sense of "humor."
- Don't jab at him with a similar joke unless you enjoy exchanging verbal punches.
*Remember that these "how to" statements are to help you feel better and detach from your abuser's antics. They do not guarantee that your abuser will stop abusing you, nor do they protect you from further abuse. You should fill out a safety plan so you know what you will do if things get out of hand.
Examples of Abuse Disguised as a Joke in My Abusive Relationship
It's supposed to be funny that he wants torun me through a wood chipper and feed pieces of me to the fish. He tells everyone about it, but he only elaborates on his "joke" when we're alone. He'll tell me how he's going to replace the chopping parts of the chipper when he's through and then divide my chunks into twenty bags. "I'll have bait for a lot of fishin' trips!"
Sometimes he'll make fun of me in a cruel manner in front of his friends. Then he'll get up, throw his arms around me, and say"I didn't mean it, honey! I'm just teasing you!"
When my husband says things like this, he's really telling me thathe loves putting me down because it makes him feel good. He can say whatever he wants because he is "just being funny" when he says it, but I look like I don't know how to take a joke. He is in control.Everyone laughs, don't they? He couldn't really mean it, could he?
My husband knows that I do not like playing around with weapons. He has several knives, and he'll smile and say, "I'll cut you, woman" while slicing the knife through the air. He puts bread knives to our boys' throats while holding their heads tight and says he is "just playing."
I'm kind of jumpy, and I don't like it when he scares me. I don't mind if the kids jump out from behind a door, but ifhe does it, my heart races for minutes afterward! He scares me and then sneers and laughs. It's mean. I've asked him to stop, but he won't. Last night he pounded on the window right beside my desk and scared me so bad I pushed my rolling chair half-way across the room.
Source: https://verbalabusejournals.com/about-abuse/what-is-verbal-abuse/examples-of-verbal-abuse/abuse-disguised-joke/
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